Detangling and changes of heart

When I was a new natural, I was using a metal, long tooth pick to detangle my hair.  I thought I needed the long teeth to handle the entire length of my hair- starting at the roots(!).  I was putting the teeth in at the roots and forcing the pick through the entire length of my hair.  I also used to detangle my hair while dry, and adopt a very stubborn "I will tame this hair" mentality to get me through it.    Surprisingly, my hair was quite thick and grew rapidly despite all the ill treatment.

Exibit A.  My "first" full head of natural hair- 2004:

That picture was taken after 3 years of growth, moderate mistreatment, and sporadic trims that did not account for the "shape" of my hair.  I think that was the healthiest that head of hair got. I began pressing it, I used several rinses in it, and I continued handling it roughly and without much regard to the ingredients in my products.  In late December 2005 I pressed my hair with my brand new Maxi-glide, and killed it.  Severe pressing damage made me have to cut it all off and start again that April.  It was very sad.  But I did it to myself, because even then, there was information out there that would have benefited me, and my hair had been sending me clear messages that I didn't listen to. 

So I started over at the new growth:

This time, however, I knew much more about my natural hair, tools and products.  I also had a strong desire to do better.  I began taking pictures, doing more research and trying more products.  I became somewhat of a product junkie, and I began doing a lot more experiments with technique.  After 3 more years of growth I had THIS head of hair:

Still Thick!

Ya'll know it continued to grow and I recently cut it again into a short style.  But I would say I have now at least heard about every natural hair anything at least once and tried almost everything I thought might work at least twice lol.

In all this time I'd say the biggest enemies to my hair have been dryness and the related split ends and knots, and then rough handling, and the related breakage and knots.  By knot I mean fairy knot, or single strand knot.  I get a lot of those, and I cut them out when they begin to bother me.

Unfortunately for my hair, I choose lifestyle and looks over the health and length of my hair more often than not, and in cutting my hair this most recent time, I have come to terms with that.  I'd much rather my hair be a slave to my lifestyle, than have my lifestyle be a slave to my hair.  Been there, done that with the relaxers and straight hair.  I don't want to spend hours detangling and deep conditioning and steaming, and twisting and roller setting etc, every week! And I never want to have to avoid water again! lol.  Length retention is going to be a bit slower for me under these conditions, and I will need more trims and much more gentle detangling processes if I continue to do wash and goes or shingle sets.  These styles, when they grow longer, brush up against my shoulders and shirt and I also have to detangle more often to prevent some of the knots that form.  All in all, because of my tendencies, the longer it gets the less healthy my ends are and the more protective styling I need to do to keep them.  Bagh.

So anyway, today me and my homegirl were talking after we watched a new natural describe and demonstrate her detangling process on Youtube.  That conversation prompted this post. It seemed to us that she was doing it all wrong, and we had previously noted that her hair seemed to be riddled with knotted looking ends.  "Ah ha!" we said, "I bet this is why!" I don't know for sure that her hair was breaking off, or tangling exorbitantly because of her process, so I can't say she was doing it wrong.  BUT I can say that there are other techniques that I would chose for her.  I don't like to sell myself as a guru or give specific advice for hair different than mine yet I do encourage learning the basic techniques, their benefits and some trial and error to learn about each unique variety of hair.

This girl likes to wear wash and go hair like I do. When you wash and style for 30 min go, the entire length of hair will be coiled, kinked or curled, (which is what I do now!).  And even if you stretch it with a little heat or traction setting, the ends will kink or coil up and be prone to tangling, knotting and drying out after just a few days, or even one day if it's brushing shoulders or being played with or blown about.  The longer I leave my hair to chill in its natural tight pattern, the harder it is to detangle and the more irreversible knots I get.  Those knots by the way, will grab on to healthy hair and involve it in the mess unfairly.
(Product helps to define and separate it some, coat it, keep it moist, keep it from velcroing to itself and other things, lol.  But I think that product is more a solution for the dryness that causes additional weakness). 

The advice I would give, therefore, based on my own wash and go experience would be to detangle at least every 4 days when wearing wash and goes.  I think removing the shed hair is important, releasing any knots and mats becoming more urgent as the days pass.  I think the tools and products used are also very important parts of the process.  The combination of these things depends greatly on the length and type of hair.  I personally HATE detangling with the denman brush.  I feel like it pulls my hair and causes additional tangles to form during the styling process that make me have to manipulate my hair too much.  But that's just ME! ta da.

There are many many processes that work for different people for different reasons.  There is dry detangling, wet only detangling, detangling in sections, with fingers, brushes, tangle teasers (next for me!) and all sorts of combs.  And then there is technique.  ENDS to root any which way! Product provides slip to avoid the velcro and matting effects.  Conditioners, Olive oil, coconut oil and aloe vera are popular detangling products. There are all sorts of concepts that can be applied to help naturals achieve length, health, time savings- whatever you want to get down for yourself.

I introduce a few online resources I found particularly informative and encourage everyone to do research and find more! Try more!  I think that we should try more than one thing, and adjust and adapt as needed.

Detangling:
http://www.curlynikki.com/search/label/Detangling%20Tips
http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/01/detangling-methods-for-natural-hair.html%20
http://www.naturalhairgrows.com/detangling-natural-hair.html
http://backtocurly.com/2010/07/21/detangling-natural-hair-the-smart-way/
http://www.kisforkinky.com/2010/07/how-often-should-i-detangle-my-natural-hair/

Kerrice and her "crazy hair"

Everybody meet Kerrice! She is my brother's GF and has been transitioning to what is now fully natural hair. My brother, after seeing my journey, and simply being there throughout our youth understands fully what it means to stop changing our hair. He's encouraged and celebrated her decision, and is one of the few people in her close circle who has done so. Despite all the negative feedback she has persevered and embraced her natural hair.

She is beautiful! Congrats Kerrice.

Read her story in her own words below.

Transitioning:

On why she went natural:
A: Honestly, perms were getting expensive and I didn’t feel like spending so much money getting my hair done. With encouragement from the BF and curiosity I decided to begin my natural hair journey.

When did you BC? How did you react to your natural hair?
I never did a BC, I grew my perm out and trims the ends every few weeks until all my relaxed hair was gone. I loved my hair! It was curly, thick, and most of all healthier.

How did your family and friends react?
My parents were angry at the fact that I decided to go natural. They were like, “Why, you have such long hair” they made fun of me a lot. At first my friends were like confused at to my change. They claimed that permed hair is way easier to handle. They later became very supportive and one of my friends decided to go natural also. My little sister and brother supported me a lot, but it was my BF who supported me the most. He was the one who encouraged me to go natural in the first place. When ever I felt insecure about my hair he was always there to make me feel better. He loves my hair almost as much as I do! Nia was very supportive and helpful too, and when ever I had any questions she was always willing to answer all my questions and gave me GREAT advice. (Thanks Nia )

What is your current hair routine?
I don’t have a set in stone routine yet, I'm still figuring out what works best for my hair. As of right now, I'm co-washing once a week and trying different conditioners and products to see how it works with my hair. When I find out what works best I'll be sure to update you!

Big Chop! Congrats to my younger Cousin!

It's a great new day! My younger cousin ( I can't call her little anymore- She's 17!) finally did the BC yesterday evening. Check out the before and after pictures below. And please comment below!

What hair "type" do you think she has?
Product recommendations?
Accessories?

Here is her FB status - LOL>

"woke up. went to touch my hair. realized it was gone. almost screamed. and laughed so hard i cried. :)" - this morning

"Im loving my new hair!!! :)" - last night

I've given her my 100 cents, but the more support the merrier! She sent these pictures to me.

Her (right) a few months before with her sister.

During the cut- stage one- cutting of the bulk of the relaxed ends!

AFTER!!! The short length looks great I think.Blurry coils.
and THIS is the part I love about going short... Look how pretty her eyes are! (now that you can see them!) You never know what the BC will reveal about your natural beauty.
I'll try to get more pictures :-)

I'm here! I'm Here!

Phew let me tell you this has been the summer of all summers here in DC. We have had 100 degree heat for weeks! My hair is enjoying food grade Aloe vera gel, caster oil and vegetable glycerin in the heat BTW. I also made a batch of Flax seed gel, tested out a humectant by Safi Haircare, did a chunky twist out and another shingle set. I also had a very disturbing discovery... All this amidst quite a few wash and go days and a total lack of keeping up with the blog here *hides face*. The back-log will be up like- every day this week lol.

I cut my hair appropriately just in time it seems though. I see a few other lovely ladies have also taken to the scissors (Texture Playground - I see you! and chisellecouture not to mention celebs like Janet, Crisette, and Solange). It seems that once we (black women) meet or reassess our hair goals and self image we realize what is easy, what is cuter :-), or that the thrill of CHANGE is so close at hand. It is just hair, and it WILL grow back. My decision to cut my hair was made easier because now, after 9 yrs natural, I know my hair grows, I know it can look excellent long, but I know it can also look excellent short.

I am at a crossroads however. My roots tell me I've gained about an inch of growth since my trim and color a month and a half ago. The color growth is hidden in the masses, so I'm not too worried about that, but I really wanted to keep a short chic style for the summer. It's fighting back! I have not decided what to do yet, but I'm leaning towards a trim in a few more weeks.

Texture close ups and embracing SHRINKage...

I stay on the web, lurking checking out other hair and style blogs and we just loooove talking about product and defining curls. I also saw an instance where a blogger commended me for showing my hair texture with and without product. It made me realize that I tend to post most often when I HAVE found some product or combo that defines my curls. I do post my regular ole frizzy shrunken hair in all it's glory at times, and in reality I wear it like this far more often than my posts would imply. I decided to post these picts from this past week and weekend as incentive to embrace what our hair does. I only used conditioner and castor oil on my hair, and its soft, coily and tightly shrunken. And yes- I wear it out like this.

I also site my hair's multiple personalities as further evidence that experimentation can lead you anywhere. When I went natural in 2001 (seemingly alone!), I knew I had coils, but did not know they were curls, or that I could wear them out as curls. I didn't expect much out of my hair, and yet it continued to grow and get thicker and respond to more and more "experiments." I accepted it as it is, and then I learned how to manipulate it. It's about what you have and what IT can do, rather than what you want, and how to force what you have.
Click to make the pictures larger.






annnnnnndddd...... (I can't help it)
This is also why I love/hate hair typing. I suppose I'd say I have 3c-4a hair when it's helpful, but it's sooo arguable depending on what day you catch me. I think we can "push" our hair in either direction with product or styling, or even simply drying it a certain way. I think some women want to be kinkier (no pun) and some want to be curlier. One's self proclaimed hair type is always analyzed based on a presumed proclivity to push.

In my case, I'm light skinned with light eyes, so I have often heard people deny that I could have 4a hair, or that their hair could be anything like mine. I think they assume I'm too mixed or somehow conflicted about my heritage thus have a desire to be "blacker" than I am. I even had someone tell me, more or less to my face, that the only reason I went natural was to prove I was African-American. That person went on to claim that they distrust and automatically dislike lightskinned girls with natural hair.

I LOL now, but it was like 2003- and it hurt my feelings then. As we all know (I hope), texture is not inherently linked to skin or eye color, nor is ethnicity. Generalized hair typing can often be a helpful way t o analyze the effect of a product on a coil pattern, but I believe it also provides a worm hole to rot our gorgeous apple/natural hair culture.

I hope one day we can come up with a less stratified way of describing our textures, where all reference to a 1,2,3,a,b,c hierarchy is removed.

That is all :-)

Naturally Merry Gifts

Merry Christmas, Happy HanaQuansika! A few of my relatives and friends have either recently gone natural or are still struggling to learn how to style their loose natural hair. For instance, they still don't wear her hair out loose- set, wash and go, or otherwise. Add to the struggle limited braiding and twisting skills, and an old school opinion on protective and big hair styles, and you get frustration and the dreaded direct heat. I decided that for Christmas I would do my own analysis of a few heads of hair, and buy products based on what "I would try". I came up with some cute packs, with mostly sample sized products, and several tools that I can't imagine them living without. I hope I'm not creating product junkies, after my own image lol.

Using the "typing systems" I've got a 3b-c/S, a 4a/O and a 4a-b/IS that I made packs for.

My 3b-c/S is in her late 50s (I hope she is not reading this!) and has APL-BSL hair. I got her Knot Today, a large comb, Mixed chicks, Thick and Slick Custard, Giovanni silk conditioner, and some Cream of nature rosemary and lemongrass leave in. I wanted to get her some curl keeper, but could not find the stuff!

My 4a/O is getting some natural oasis grease, some Ampro clear ice, some kinky curly knot today and custard, large comb, some castille soap, and some Cholesterol conditioner. She is a young 22 or so, and just transitioned this year (yay!) Her hair is probably about 6-8 inches long.

The 4a-b/IS is an avid presser. I think her texture may be different that what displays now due to heat damage, but what can you do. She is also about 60 yrs old, so set in her ways somewhat. I got her several items from the Chi line, Giovanni conditioner, mixed chicks shampoo and conditioner, natural oasis grease, and some kinky curly because she wanted to try it. She may like the knot today but the custard may be a bust. Her hair is just about shoulder length pressed.

There are other things in there like those fancy hair towels and a few shower caps, some of those double prong bobby pins, grape-seed oil, and some ouch-less hairbands. I hope they all love the packs and get much more wear out of their hair with a new product or two. I'll have to be on standby to coach for technique!

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Bald head?

I was leaving a CVS near my job when I overheard two of the young employees discussing a woman who had just left. I never saw the women, but the convo sounded something like this:

"but she was pretty" the girl was saying.
The guy said "No, she was bald, I can't do bald headed women. ur just saying that cause I don't like it."
"I was thinking she was pretty before you even said anything! What about Amber rose? Shes a model!"
He said "but she got money- to make herself look good without hair. A regular chick can't do that. Then she just bald"
*laughter from other male employees*

I was like wow. I had just read a blog post about transitioning and going to short hair, which is often an issue I contemplate when giving transitioners advice. It's hard imagining not having any hair, for a few months, or maybe longer depending on how one chooses to wear it. Granted, most of the time the big chop does not = completely bald, but it is still a shock. Will you like it, will guys like it, will your mama like it? Is it worth it? I still say YES, but I hear conversations like this and can't help but to sympathise with the women who imagine this conversation when deciding to wear wigs, or braids or weaves, or just never go for the gusto and BC.

So I went home trying to think of some other "bald headed" women who are rocking it, and exemplify the freedom that short hair brings. I immediately thought of Zhane, Alek Wek , and Grace Jones. My boyfriend thew in Noemie Lenior. Then I got stuck. I did searches... I was stumped. I see lovely ladies on the street rocking the close crop all the time, but how do I share their confidence with a transitioner? Advice?

How it began for Nia

The words "going natural" never came out of my mouth when I decided to cut my hair off. Never even crossed my mind really. I actually had every intention of getting a texturiser or a relaxer again. I was just frustrated. I'd been getting my hair relaxed off and on since I was 12 years old. I had more bad hair days than good, and I didn't have the state of mind to know better.

What pushed me over the edge was moving away from home. I had no hairdresser to tell me what to do, no good friends to reinforce the standard, and no time to maintain the perpetually curly mass on my head. Even with a relaxer, my hair would curl and puff and rebel at the slight suggestion of water. I had to straighten it after it'd been straightened, which took up to two hours. I was in college and working. I wore it "curly" most of the time. It looked crazy. It wasn't really curly, nor was it straight by any means. It was just there. It grew, and broke off, and grew again, etc... I braided it, pressed it, blew it out, got a touch up once in a while.

One day I just started cutting. I went to the hairdresser and had her cut out the last brand of relaxer that was on my ends, and I also got a touch up with her stuff. It was cute, until I washed it- then it was beyond crazy. It had no weight to pull it down, it was a confused straight curly fro with different textures from different relaxers and I didn't know what to do. All I did know is that I'd just gotten another touch up, with a new and horrible frizzy relaxer brand, so I had to grow that out no matter what. So I grew it out for about 5 months- which involved an awful combination of braids and strange roller sets, and one day in late August I walked to a Dominican barbershop and had them cut it all off. I knew I had to cut out the bad relaxer (and had every intention of going back to my old hairdresser at home and getting a "good" relaxer). I had him cut it all the way down, shape up the back and sides and had about 1" on the very top of my head- the longest point. He suggested I get a texturiser and come back to him, which irritated me, given that's exactly what I planned to do. I left with dry, freshly cut hair, feeling very strange, and wanting to wet it to see if it curled.

I had a wave of paranoia when I got home and really looked at myself. Did I look like a man, or ugly, or unfeminine? I wore big earrings, bright red lipstick, and a red skirt when I went out that night. However, to my relief, I got the normal level of attention and no strange looks. I felt alright. I felt better than alright the next day, then even better the days the followed. I became obsessed with my new little curls. Little circles would form automatically. I had to do absolutely nothing to maintain it. I felt ashamed for "dissing" my hair for so long. I felt proud that I could honestly accept compliments on my hair, compliments that now hit me as a person instead of just the aesthetic me. I felt different. I felt more me-like. It only took me a few days to decide that I would not be putting any chemicals in my hair. It took me weeks to realize that I'd "gone natural". Even then the idea of being natural did not come with other implications, such as eating differently or acting differently. However, I admit it did make me feel differently so much so that I did stop doing things I'd done for years. For example, I don't know when I last painted my nails, or when I last thought that I should. That desire just went away I suppose. I didn't even realize it'd gone until years later when one of my co-workers recommended her nail salon and I felt like she was speaking in an alien tongue.

There were other ideas that were slower to fade. I dyed my hair several times, in different commitment levels and colors. The last one was a black semi-permanent color that was excruciatingly slow to fade. I suppose I was just used to processing my hair in some way or other and so I felt the need to change my hair in some way. That too was many years ago and that desire also seems to have gone away. I missed the way my hair has slightly brown highlights at my temples, and varies from #4 brown to black. Subtly, slyly, interestingly. I also have about 5 blonde hairs on one side of my head that continue to puzzle me. Stress maybe. Interesting none the less. And mine. I'm enjoying it.

8 years ago, I cut my hair, so now it's back to the length it was before I started cutting. It's a big curly/kinky happy mass, with more of a helixy "S" pattern than a spiral. I've found gels that I like and that keep it smooth, and can even get it looking rather slick when I pull it back. I've found creams that keep it nice and soft, and some very easy styles I can do in minutes for work. I've figured out how to comb it out and when, and what to wash it with, and when. It's been a learning process that has been frustrating at times, at which times I think of either cutting or locking my hair- yet those times usually only last a day or two. I even had it pressed a few times, and was startled to see that it looks more healthy now, though the cut is a little odd because of the shape I must keep it in to wear it curly. But it can actually get very straight. I also know for sure that I don't like it that way... too much work!