A long hair story

Well actually a short story about long hair.

When I was in elementary school I had a music teacher with loooooong, super straight, very blonde hair.  Like waist length, stick straight, flowing blond hair.  I haven't seen hair like hers since.  I think she was a nice teacher, I even remember the songs she taught us, like the Laurel school anthem and the choral key practice runs.

Even though I wasn't in chorus.

In fact, I remember all of my classmates being smitten with her.  But you know how when you're little, really complicated social concepts are really hard to grasp?  Like a gay male teacher was just "weird" or adults who were flirting with each other were "creapy"...  Well I had a vibe wayyyy back then that something wasn't "normal".  See, I went to a school comprised mostly of non-white (nor Asian) children and Mrs. Lacount had something many of us had never seen up close.  Loooooong straight hair.  And she was pretty if my memory serves me.

 Half of our school picture in like 1988-89! I'm in here in 4th grade.

I recalled all this recently and have been mulling it over ever since. I was freaked out by a huge spiderweb encountered a long shed hair in my daily shuffling about and I was transported back to Mrs Lacount's last day before she left to have surgery on her wrist (carpel from playing piano).  All the kids were sad and asking questions about when she would be back and what the surgery was for. My child mind wandered and the next thing I remember was her pulling shed hairs off her shirt and giving them away as gifts to my classmates.  (!) NO I did not want one and I was looked at with disdain from my peers when I didn't clamor for my little piece of the prize.  I think I may have gone home and told my mom, unable to figure out why my 8 or 9 year old self was so disturbed by what happened. I don't think anything ever came of it, and I never saw her again to my recollection.  But I felt some kinda way and have never forgotten it.

I think I had begun to put together that they were kinda worshiping her and her hair, and I didn't like it.  I think that feeling stuck with me and embedded itself in my psyche.  I have an aversion to unattached human hair, particularly when it is of the straight variety. I have never had a loose weave, or human hair extensions and I actually freak out a little when I find hairs that aren't mine on my chair and such.  (One time I found one in an ex's hat and had a fit! lol) Now don't get me wrong, I had braid extensions and can actually put them in my hair and other people's hair with the best of em.  As long as it's kanekalon lol. I had all that going on at that same time in my life and adopted beads and tin foiled ends and burnt stinky plastic ends all to be a part of normal black life.  But the loose, long, straight hair was alien and not to be embraced by me.

Even more so, my best friend was my white neighbor and we used to do each others hair (there was once a bad mousse incident in my hair- that's for another post) but her hair was kinda curly, not that long, and more of the brown variety.  Her mom confronted my mom once to say- "Your daughter gets to do mine's hair all the time but she won't ever let my daughter touch hers."  LOL. You all know why- and my mom had trained me well. Those braids and blow outs and ponytails were weekly masterpieces of natural haired patience.

But anyway... I think it's funny how you can watch things like "good hair" and see so many women who live and die by Indian hair weave, but then you can still meet black women who have never ever worn fake hair or sometimes ever had a relaxer.  Our upbringing, and random impressions of beauty and blackness can start and end anywhere.  You know, I would love to have like a dope bob with a bang and put my hair away for a while, but I've never had a weave, so now I just feel like I can't lol.  And if I see a pile of human hair.... arrrgggg I dunno. I think I'd be outta there.

PS- I did wear a phony pony for a wedding and took it out that night.  It was a bridal mandate though! and it was fake. I had a fake wig once too- a layered, cute one my same #4 hair color.  I had styles for days in my house, in my mirror.  But it never saw the light of day, and now it's gone.  oh well.

The Many and Varied Natural Hair Styles of Nia

Created with flickr slideshow.

Here you will see me go through my journey, beginning with relaxed hair in 1997, and then natural hair from 2001 - 2005. I ruined my hair by pressing it in late 2005, as you see in the images after the second straight hair batch. I BC (Big Chopped- Cut it all off) again in April of 2006, after growing the damage out for a few months. My new, well-cared-for and unprecedented growth is documented once more!

8 years is a long time

I was looking through Photos last night and I realized just how many I've taken to document my many hair styles. I was also saddened by the poor quality of most of them, often caused by taking the picture of myself. The other thing I realized is that I don't have many pictures of the first leg of my journey. I was natural for almost 5 years when I ruined my hair via pressing heat damage (the devil moves quickly!) and cut it all off again. I don't have many digital pictures of my hair before the second big chop. I'll have to scan some. Either way, a Flickr album is forthcoming. 8 years provides a nice long story to tell!

The picture is from my original old website, created 4 months after my first big chop in Early September of 2001.

How it began for Nia

The words "going natural" never came out of my mouth when I decided to cut my hair off. Never even crossed my mind really. I actually had every intention of getting a texturiser or a relaxer again. I was just frustrated. I'd been getting my hair relaxed off and on since I was 12 years old. I had more bad hair days than good, and I didn't have the state of mind to know better.

What pushed me over the edge was moving away from home. I had no hairdresser to tell me what to do, no good friends to reinforce the standard, and no time to maintain the perpetually curly mass on my head. Even with a relaxer, my hair would curl and puff and rebel at the slight suggestion of water. I had to straighten it after it'd been straightened, which took up to two hours. I was in college and working. I wore it "curly" most of the time. It looked crazy. It wasn't really curly, nor was it straight by any means. It was just there. It grew, and broke off, and grew again, etc... I braided it, pressed it, blew it out, got a touch up once in a while.

One day I just started cutting. I went to the hairdresser and had her cut out the last brand of relaxer that was on my ends, and I also got a touch up with her stuff. It was cute, until I washed it- then it was beyond crazy. It had no weight to pull it down, it was a confused straight curly fro with different textures from different relaxers and I didn't know what to do. All I did know is that I'd just gotten another touch up, with a new and horrible frizzy relaxer brand, so I had to grow that out no matter what. So I grew it out for about 5 months- which involved an awful combination of braids and strange roller sets, and one day in late August I walked to a Dominican barbershop and had them cut it all off. I knew I had to cut out the bad relaxer (and had every intention of going back to my old hairdresser at home and getting a "good" relaxer). I had him cut it all the way down, shape up the back and sides and had about 1" on the very top of my head- the longest point. He suggested I get a texturiser and come back to him, which irritated me, given that's exactly what I planned to do. I left with dry, freshly cut hair, feeling very strange, and wanting to wet it to see if it curled.

I had a wave of paranoia when I got home and really looked at myself. Did I look like a man, or ugly, or unfeminine? I wore big earrings, bright red lipstick, and a red skirt when I went out that night. However, to my relief, I got the normal level of attention and no strange looks. I felt alright. I felt better than alright the next day, then even better the days the followed. I became obsessed with my new little curls. Little circles would form automatically. I had to do absolutely nothing to maintain it. I felt ashamed for "dissing" my hair for so long. I felt proud that I could honestly accept compliments on my hair, compliments that now hit me as a person instead of just the aesthetic me. I felt different. I felt more me-like. It only took me a few days to decide that I would not be putting any chemicals in my hair. It took me weeks to realize that I'd "gone natural". Even then the idea of being natural did not come with other implications, such as eating differently or acting differently. However, I admit it did make me feel differently so much so that I did stop doing things I'd done for years. For example, I don't know when I last painted my nails, or when I last thought that I should. That desire just went away I suppose. I didn't even realize it'd gone until years later when one of my co-workers recommended her nail salon and I felt like she was speaking in an alien tongue.

There were other ideas that were slower to fade. I dyed my hair several times, in different commitment levels and colors. The last one was a black semi-permanent color that was excruciatingly slow to fade. I suppose I was just used to processing my hair in some way or other and so I felt the need to change my hair in some way. That too was many years ago and that desire also seems to have gone away. I missed the way my hair has slightly brown highlights at my temples, and varies from #4 brown to black. Subtly, slyly, interestingly. I also have about 5 blonde hairs on one side of my head that continue to puzzle me. Stress maybe. Interesting none the less. And mine. I'm enjoying it.

8 years ago, I cut my hair, so now it's back to the length it was before I started cutting. It's a big curly/kinky happy mass, with more of a helixy "S" pattern than a spiral. I've found gels that I like and that keep it smooth, and can even get it looking rather slick when I pull it back. I've found creams that keep it nice and soft, and some very easy styles I can do in minutes for work. I've figured out how to comb it out and when, and what to wash it with, and when. It's been a learning process that has been frustrating at times, at which times I think of either cutting or locking my hair- yet those times usually only last a day or two. I even had it pressed a few times, and was startled to see that it looks more healthy now, though the cut is a little odd because of the shape I must keep it in to wear it curly. But it can actually get very straight. I also know for sure that I don't like it that way... too much work!