Checking in. Feeling some kinda way.

If you were here with me last year then you may remember that I got a new job at an association that throws several conferences in close succession every year in later winter to early spring.  So that's where I have been yet again - to the faithful readers I have left.

I have been active on instagram however, so please follow me there to see what I've been doing with my hair.  It's been a long few months since my last post, I tell ya.

I am still considering the future of this blog and as the days go by and I follow more and more natural bloggers and wonder more and more what I have to say that is any more valuable or interesting.  I've been natural for over 12 years now.  I now know more about my natural hair then I remember about transitioning, or touch ups, or even learning new skills. I got regular relaxers for 8-9 years, only the last 5 of which was I old enough to be a direct part of the decision making process.  But since I've been natural, it's been all me.  And when I say that I mean in the beginning… it was ALL ME.  I had no natural friends, I had no natural Youtube channels to watch in 2001.  I had no section of the Target isle to shop in, no mail order nor mom-pop lines targeting my hair.  I literally had my hair, my hands and what I knew about relaxed hair to begin my journey.  I didn't even consider it "going natural" at the time.  That wasn't really the term until later.  Nor had I even decided not to relax my hair, I just cut it of to the point where there was none left, and then went home.  What I discovered about my hair made me decide not to relax it.

I remember sitting in college class and absentmindedly twirling my new coily fuzz and being amused that the coils stayed.  I did lots of coils and coil outs, then it grew out and I had yet to realize that gel and restricted post wetting combing was the key to getting my hair to dry curly.  It grew out dense, combed out and over manipulated.  I braided it a lot.  I put in braid extensions often.  I played with products and color rinses.  BlackPlanet discussion boards and photo sharing site like Fotki came out and I had someplace to talk about what I was learning, and to bounce ideas off off. But no one was an expert. I don't remember following any gurus. And do you know what happened next?

Not what you think.

I destroyed my hair a few times.  I hated it a few times. I disrespected it lots of times.  I learned how to take good care of my hair years later.

And I even had special skills going for me.  I was already pretty dexterous with my hands.  I could braid, and flat twist and put in my own extensions.  I was also pretty creative so I could re-create straight styles, or attempt old sets on my new hair.  Yet it still took me years.  And by years I mean 5 whole years after my last relaxer I still managed to need another big chop due to heat damage.  And even more recently than that I decided that having long natural hair was not conducive to my busy life, and I cut it short again.

But all in all ^THIS^ IS the life of a woman who does not chemically alter or heat "train" her hair to be worn straight with greater ease.  This is the life of a woman with coily, kinky, curly, frizzy, cottony, wooly, tight hair.
Trial and error, learning.
Products, experiments.
Successes.
Failures.

We've developed a little sub-sub-culture around our hair, which I immensely enjoy, but everything else is the same as when I was relaxed.  I go to work, I have a social life, a personal life, and I have hair.  The world is not ready for our natural hair types to be "just hair" too.  But for me a this point, it is just hair.  My hair.

I think my views on it come in part from the process of curiosity, fascination, exasperation and finally, acceptance that I have gone through.  Of course I'm still learning, and constantly changing my mind about my goals and desires for my hair, but thats life.  Cycles, and moods and circumstances. One day I could not care about length and demonized the constant acronyms for length goals, and on that same day years later I'm posting my BSL length hair. lol.  Yeah, you all have been with me long enough to see my dye my hair.  Swear not to do it again, do it again, and then swear to grow the color out.  You've seen me swear off shampoo, then run back to it.  Sway towards naturally derived products then swear by a Mexican gel with ingredients I can't pronounce.

I mean, hey. I'm a growing gal.  What am I really talking about here?

I've been talking about my own learning process this whole time.  While in the trees it comes across as tutorials, reviews, style updates and tips. But the Forest in its entirety, is called "Learning all about my own hair while I live my normal life grove". Yes, I think it's a grove because groves sound like a nice place that's not scary. lol.

What I'd like to do now is focus on how to learn about your own natural hair texture.  How to follow blogs and advice in a healthy and productive way.  How not to Idolize bloggers or hair types, or succumb to yet another culture of creating hierarchies for hair types, curl patterns, densities.  How to try a set or a product without dramatically ruining ones life for a few days.  How to process only what is pertinent to you from the advice or answer from a fellow natural.  Your fellow naturals are in the middle of their own process of learning and growing too.  It never ends. 4 years. 8 years. 12 years. 20 years. Life and circumstance will dictate priorities and preferences.  Adaptation and culture swings are constantly occurring.

Anywho.  This has mostly been a stream of consciousness type of post.  I'm feeling some kinda way I guess, and I do feel bad about my lack of posts here.  But I can't promise what is in store.  I still want to expand the topics and do a redesign, as I have lost many follows already due to my loss of consistency :-/

They may be few and far between but I will keep you updated on those decisions and changes as they come along!

<3 p="">

Honey

Note to self:

when washing your face with raw honey... make sure you rinse COMPLETELY from your hairline and ears.  or else. 

That is all.

ok and this...

Have you ever heard of Clearasil's adult acne cream - Sulfer 8%, Resorcinol 2%....
I'm giving it a try.  *shrug*

We have a long way to go. Convos with men.

I live in a somewhat insulated world.  In many senses.  I have a job, I have a home, I have transportation and a means to afford lots of things I don't need.

I am reminded of these privileges and freedoms quite regularly just by interacting superficially with strangers, or even just riding the city bus, which I do almost every day.  I feel proud, and blessed and sometimes even guilty.

But the insulation regarding my natural hair is much more complete and omnipresent.  Aside from side-eyes and a few snide comments- which I have built defenses for, I seldom feeeeel that I am actively doing something different any longer.  Especially now that I live in DC, and so many other women have gone natural. Only when I travel do I become self aware.  Plus who's really going to ask you in depth, challenging questions about your hair, or furthermore the hair of black women in general?? (who gon check us??)

BUT this weekend I was in an unusual set up where I was working the cash box at an event and flanked by two security guards.  We were there for 2 hours with nothing to do but entertain each other with diluted philosophic conversations. We spoke of eating pork (I do lol), Greek life (I'm not) and natural hair ( I have).

I also had a previous convo to reference as I dived in.  About 4 months ago I was giving two fellas a ride to their car, talking about my blog (again lol,) and one remarks... "how you gon blog about natural hair when you got good hair??!" I tried to explain then that its not so much about what kind of hair you have, its about accepting WHATEVER you have and learning about it.  I don't know if I got through to them but I filed the comment in my awareness file. lol

So this weekend past, the same sort of thing started floating just below the surface.  One guy was telling me why some women he knows were not embracing the natural movement (time effort difficulty) and I was doing some debunking.  But who told me to say that "much of the time we can workout or shower and still be ready to go in 20 min."

The disbelief and doubt that washed over their faces alerted me to the fact that I had just made a leap over several factors they would not easily understand.  I had also put myself in a "we" that is probably visually questionable. But I began to try my best. 

So the very first aspect of going natural that us women and the men who support us must grapple with is the radical difference between our natural texture and our chemically or heat altered texture.  The goal is to grow to love and respect WHATEVER it is.  "Kinks, napps, beadybeads, peazy-headedness"... whatever we have been badmouthing, hiding and altering has to be allowed to live. and hopefully flourish.  This change in mind-state is very difficult for some folks.  Some are not ready to see things so differently- that there is nothing WRONG with what they have.  Some go back to chemicals or heat or just constant manipulation.  So imagine, these men live in a perpetual state of having gone natural but not accepting their hair, lol. One guy said he keeps it super low because his hair is so nappy.  He was like "u will never see me with more than this much hair".  And they transfer that feeling to others.  They also mentioned a friend who had gone natural and didn't "do anything to her hair."  Just oil and life.  And they had a disdain in their voices as they explained her behavior. 

I explained that she likes her hair texture- that is the missing link.  I told him "you just don't like your hair.  There is nothing wrong with it, you just don't appreciate the way it looks."  So I was like imagine- she has no problem with the way her hair simply IS.  She accepts it and thus does not feel the need to "fix" or hide it.

(I didn't get all into the actual care aspects, like texture and length and detangling and products-  indeed quite complicated to figure out)

SO I finally pointed to my own hair. I said this is a wash and go with product being used to keep the curls defined.  This is what I got in the hair grab bag.  I like it.  Me liking my hair, and YOU liking my hair does not preclude other textures from similarly liking and accepting their own hair. And other people like their hair too, maybe not you, but hopefully the men in their life.  Nothing needs to be done to "fix" it, thus its easy to take care of in that regard.  They mulled over that - the change in mind-state.

I did also show them a picture of a friend with much tighter curls than mine who also wears her hair loose and he said- "See... that looks like it's about to dread up (distain)."  I said, no it's just her hair, she cares for it and detangles it regularly and it's healthy and long. You don't need to continuously comb the kinks out so that it loooks untangled.  It wont lock up in a few days.  It just looks different- its how u think.  And he was like "yeah, see, I just don't think that way I guess."

The convo died and 20 min passed.  Lucky for me another guy came out that we all knew and just then a beautiful woman walked by with tight, compact natural hair, full of sheen and with color dipped ends.  This third guy was randomly like "hey sister, you have beautiful hair! *smiles* go head!" (something like that lol) And I was like SEEEEE, some men appreciate it for just what it is!  And I was like damn where were you 20 min ago!!? lol.  I rehashed the convo and third guy concurred with what I was saying, and then some lol. We both spoke of how black people are still in a texture war, and people would like MY hair, but not other hair textures and it was a shame.  They SHOULD but they don't. 

Early on when starting my blog I wanted to feature girls with lots of different hair types (see You Go Curl girls in the sidebar).  My coils are fairly loose on the kinky scale and I don't often let the kinky elements of my texture shine through my gels and goops.  Thus I used to encounter women who thought my advice would ring hollow to them, or that their process going natural would vary so radically from mine that I could not offer encouraging words or advice.  Turns out that was largely not true.  My fears have proven frivolous and I have abandoned that effort at diversifying the representation here (there are a lot of OTHER things besides curl size that us naturals have in common- duh! we learn with time lol).  But the MEN....

Please tell your brothers and sons and husbands all about your hair.  Let them play with it, let them see you wash it and style it.  We need more men to accept what we have going on, and what they have going on in and on their own heads as well.

Question Answered - Dull Hair?

Check out the email addy on the side bar! itsjusthairblog@gmail.com. I opened a new account so I can have more interaction from the blog :-) Email me your questions and I will try to answer them privately or in a new post.  I got this one today:

My name is Sarah and I have hair that is very very dense like yours and my hair is very curly when it is wet, but when it dries (during a wash n go) my hair is dull and looks dry (even when it may not be dry). I would truly be a product junkie if I could afford it, but I can't so I have researched products on you tube experiences.

So far, like I said, your hair is more like mine than any other I have seen, but your hair is shiny and not as frizzy as mine when it dries. I watched the video about "kiss my face" gel and castor oil. Is this better than eco styler? -because I love eco styler, but once it dries my hair frizzes and looks dull and dry.

Also, are there any other products you can recommend to decrease frizz and add shine?

Hi Sarah!  I hope the following helps.

There are two things that may be going on with your hair.

Certain types of natural hair can tend to have more Sheen than Shine.  Sheen is an overall sparkle rather than a reflective shine in light.  Cottony, fine, and porous hair types can tend to be this way.  It doesn't reflect much light, but it can sparkle brilliantly with sheen if its moisturized well.  I don't know if your hair is more sheeny than shiny, but my hair is more shiny than sheeny when its clumped together.  Its fine and dense but when it clumps it reflects light.  (When I say shiny I'm not talking straight hair silky shine. I don't have that either. I'm talking about light reflecting shine!)

Read more here or here.

But I believe you when you say your hair is like mine and the frizz is something else.  Frizz can rob your hair of what shine it has.  So point 2- I think technique is the key factor to defeat frizz, and employ as much shine as possible.

Smoothing the product onto the hair is defense mechanism 1.  I don't like to get too technical because I'd be lying if I said I understood the exact mechanisms by which this works, but it does help a lot when you smooth the hair all in one direction.  You can start smoothing when the conditioner is still in your wet hair.  Once the section of hair is detangled, use your fingers to smooth the hair down in one direction.  I kind of rake my hands through but as my fingers pass through the hair I squeeze them together to smoosh the hair between them together. I get all of my hair smoothed in a downward direction and then rinse with COLD water.  Well, as cold as you can stand it at least.  That helps seal the hair cuticle/keep the little surface flaps closed.  At this point its good to add a light oil to the hair- in the same downward and minimally disturbing way.  This further seals in the moisture from the water and conditioner.  Depending on what concoction I am doing my wash and go with, I will sometimes add a leave in after this, and maybe even a thicker oil even after that.  OR I just mix all the rest of the products in with the gel.

When I use the KMF gel I use a waterbased leave in (like shea moisture curl and style milk), smoothing it through again in all one direction.  Then I use the gel and Castor oil mixture on top of that.  I like KMF/castor better than the Eco styler gel and get less frizz and crunch when it dries, and for days after.  I get the elusive "silky" curls like in the picture. Again though, I smooth everything through, any gels, any leave ins, in one downward direction.  And I always use some sort of oil- castor agrees with my skin.

For instance, the Kinky Curly line is kinda self contained and does not play well with other products, including oils.  My hair will look shiny and smooth on the first day when I use it, but I feel like looks dull after a day, and it also gets frizzy faster than a KMF wash and go does.  I think the oil assists in keeping the flaps down, and adds some surface shine. I don't use KCCC much any more.

I also know that if I just use conditioner (even most leave ins) alone and let it dry that my smoothing is quickly undone as my hair dries and shrinks.  It needs to clump so that the high texture of each individual strand does not show individually- thus producing sheen more than shine.  So for me- the gels are very important for the shine factor.  For some types of hair though the gels just don't work in that way.  I would surmise that the surface of hair that has little shine is just very fragmented, like, the curl has curls, and the plains of those little turns are what make the sparkles.  Whereas shiny hair can be tightly coiled but the surface of the hair in the coil is smooth, and can lay flat on the hair next to it, and so forth and thus clump.

If you try smoothing and the clumps still come apart as your hair dries I'd say you may have hair with sheen.  Sheen is beautiful when it is embraced.  Just keep your hair moisturized with water and oil and try to avoid damaging it!

Traction and heat damage can also make those little surface flaps stay up or break off.  Damaged shiny or sheeny hair will not emit anything :-(

Pressing damage years ago robbed my hair of all its luster and I ended up cutting it all off.

*Edited to add*
Also- almost forgot- make sure you are removing any product build up from your hair, at least once a month. I use a shampoo like Trader Joe's Tea tree tingle, or Shea Moisture's curl and shine shampoo.  A good protein conditioner like Renpure or Joico K-pak also seems to fortify my hair and make it more likely to shine.  I use those once a week for about 10 min. 

Multi Purpose Products

I was talking (chatting) with Nuri the other day and I realized that I do quite a bit of non-hair related things with my hair things.

I often find myself in the possession of one too many bottle of conditioner, or a full bottle of shampoo that I just don't like, or won't possibly use up before it has collected some dust.  I like to try my products in multiple ways in my hair before I write them off, but sometimes it can't be helped- it's a fail.

First, I do try mixing conditioners I don't like together, or using one weak one to dilute a thicker or more expensive one.  If it's a gel I will try mixing it with oil, and most leave ins I'll try on wet and dry hair.  So what if the results are fail, fail, fail?

Sometimes, depending on where you got the product you can bring it back for a refund.  If not, you can try swapping it locally or with your friends (I got 2 almost full jars of KCCC that way!) But if you don't feel right giving someone a dirty, (don't judge!) half full bottle with a torn label, here are some other ways I use my products to get my money's worth.

Conditioner:

• Particularly V05 yummy smelling variety (blackberry/sage - .88cent nom nom) - I use conditioner mixed with water in a spray bottle as wrinkle releaser.  About 10:1 or so is usually diluted enough to smell good and work well without feeling like more than a mist.  Spray it on wrinkled clothes (except silk and polyester) shake or smooth them out and skip the iron.
•  Shaving lotion.  I have not purchased shaving lotion in years and years.  This works with almost any conditioner, and even shampoo if your skin is not sensitive.  I like to use shampoo to shave my armpits because even after soap- sometimes you get a deoderant deposit that clogs the razor blades.  Shampoo does well to cut through, and conditioner melts the texture of any hair, much like it does the hair on your head.
• In the summer if you swim, a rich slathering of conditioner before you hit the pool can help your hair stave off some of the drying chlorine and salt.  I rinse most of it out (cloudy pool halo is not cool!) but the softening and preparing to be wet WITH conditioner seems to work for my hair far better than just plain ole water.  And because this is a conditioner you will apply liberally- and not long enough for a deep condition, it doesn't really matter what it is.
• Pedicures- yes I do my own.  conditioner and a pumice stone get my feet soft and smooth and I don't need to put lotion on afterwards.  Plus most conditioner smells great and I find less irritating to my skin than heavily scented gels and lotions.
• If you have a peppermint or mentholated conditioner the smell can help tremendously if you have allergies or a cold. I once paid a grip for a mentholated body wash that my skin didn't even like.  I got Suave's rosemary/mint conditioner and my hair was like meh.... but my allergy prone sinuses opened right up.  That bottle went quickly squirted and spread haphazardly about the shower lol

At less than a buck a bottle, the suave and V05 conditioners live in my cabinet for co washing and all the uses above.  Sometimes I just grab them when I see them on sale or in the scents I love (did I say V05 blackberry/sage?) 

Here are a few other things I re-purpose:
Shampoo- degrease your tub after co-washing, remove grease spots from clothes, clean hair brushes or spot clean upholstery, clean sneakers or shoe insoles (by hand-doesn't irritate skin very quickly), wash hair curlers and other accessories that build up products.
Oils- Lotion, oil cleansing, mild sunscreen, cooking, insect repellent.

And we all know about aloe vera gel and the butters right?

Detangling and changes of heart

When I was a new natural, I was using a metal, long tooth pick to detangle my hair.  I thought I needed the long teeth to handle the entire length of my hair- starting at the roots(!).  I was putting the teeth in at the roots and forcing the pick through the entire length of my hair.  I also used to detangle my hair while dry, and adopt a very stubborn "I will tame this hair" mentality to get me through it.    Surprisingly, my hair was quite thick and grew rapidly despite all the ill treatment.

Exibit A.  My "first" full head of natural hair- 2004:

That picture was taken after 3 years of growth, moderate mistreatment, and sporadic trims that did not account for the "shape" of my hair.  I think that was the healthiest that head of hair got. I began pressing it, I used several rinses in it, and I continued handling it roughly and without much regard to the ingredients in my products.  In late December 2005 I pressed my hair with my brand new Maxi-glide, and killed it.  Severe pressing damage made me have to cut it all off and start again that April.  It was very sad.  But I did it to myself, because even then, there was information out there that would have benefited me, and my hair had been sending me clear messages that I didn't listen to. 

So I started over at the new growth:

This time, however, I knew much more about my natural hair, tools and products.  I also had a strong desire to do better.  I began taking pictures, doing more research and trying more products.  I became somewhat of a product junkie, and I began doing a lot more experiments with technique.  After 3 more years of growth I had THIS head of hair:

Still Thick!

Ya'll know it continued to grow and I recently cut it again into a short style.  But I would say I have now at least heard about every natural hair anything at least once and tried almost everything I thought might work at least twice lol.

In all this time I'd say the biggest enemies to my hair have been dryness and the related split ends and knots, and then rough handling, and the related breakage and knots.  By knot I mean fairy knot, or single strand knot.  I get a lot of those, and I cut them out when they begin to bother me.

Unfortunately for my hair, I choose lifestyle and looks over the health and length of my hair more often than not, and in cutting my hair this most recent time, I have come to terms with that.  I'd much rather my hair be a slave to my lifestyle, than have my lifestyle be a slave to my hair.  Been there, done that with the relaxers and straight hair.  I don't want to spend hours detangling and deep conditioning and steaming, and twisting and roller setting etc, every week! And I never want to have to avoid water again! lol.  Length retention is going to be a bit slower for me under these conditions, and I will need more trims and much more gentle detangling processes if I continue to do wash and goes or shingle sets.  These styles, when they grow longer, brush up against my shoulders and shirt and I also have to detangle more often to prevent some of the knots that form.  All in all, because of my tendencies, the longer it gets the less healthy my ends are and the more protective styling I need to do to keep them.  Bagh.

So anyway, today me and my homegirl were talking after we watched a new natural describe and demonstrate her detangling process on Youtube.  That conversation prompted this post. It seemed to us that she was doing it all wrong, and we had previously noted that her hair seemed to be riddled with knotted looking ends.  "Ah ha!" we said, "I bet this is why!" I don't know for sure that her hair was breaking off, or tangling exorbitantly because of her process, so I can't say she was doing it wrong.  BUT I can say that there are other techniques that I would chose for her.  I don't like to sell myself as a guru or give specific advice for hair different than mine yet I do encourage learning the basic techniques, their benefits and some trial and error to learn about each unique variety of hair.

This girl likes to wear wash and go hair like I do. When you wash and style for 30 min go, the entire length of hair will be coiled, kinked or curled, (which is what I do now!).  And even if you stretch it with a little heat or traction setting, the ends will kink or coil up and be prone to tangling, knotting and drying out after just a few days, or even one day if it's brushing shoulders or being played with or blown about.  The longer I leave my hair to chill in its natural tight pattern, the harder it is to detangle and the more irreversible knots I get.  Those knots by the way, will grab on to healthy hair and involve it in the mess unfairly.
(Product helps to define and separate it some, coat it, keep it moist, keep it from velcroing to itself and other things, lol.  But I think that product is more a solution for the dryness that causes additional weakness). 

The advice I would give, therefore, based on my own wash and go experience would be to detangle at least every 4 days when wearing wash and goes.  I think removing the shed hair is important, releasing any knots and mats becoming more urgent as the days pass.  I think the tools and products used are also very important parts of the process.  The combination of these things depends greatly on the length and type of hair.  I personally HATE detangling with the denman brush.  I feel like it pulls my hair and causes additional tangles to form during the styling process that make me have to manipulate my hair too much.  But that's just ME! ta da.

There are many many processes that work for different people for different reasons.  There is dry detangling, wet only detangling, detangling in sections, with fingers, brushes, tangle teasers (next for me!) and all sorts of combs.  And then there is technique.  ENDS to root any which way! Product provides slip to avoid the velcro and matting effects.  Conditioners, Olive oil, coconut oil and aloe vera are popular detangling products. There are all sorts of concepts that can be applied to help naturals achieve length, health, time savings- whatever you want to get down for yourself.

I introduce a few online resources I found particularly informative and encourage everyone to do research and find more! Try more!  I think that we should try more than one thing, and adjust and adapt as needed.

Detangling:
http://www.curlynikki.com/search/label/Detangling%20Tips
http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/01/detangling-methods-for-natural-hair.html%20
http://www.naturalhairgrows.com/detangling-natural-hair.html
http://backtocurly.com/2010/07/21/detangling-natural-hair-the-smart-way/
http://www.kisforkinky.com/2010/07/how-often-should-i-detangle-my-natural-hair/